Did I quit my job or did I get sacked????

I just thought I should say...

I had a three month review today and when I found out I was dreading it, like seriously, because I had my notice in my back pocket and because I remember an eager Sacha saying to my boss at the interview, "Yes this would definitely be long term." 

So I sat down and sheepishly at this one on one meeting, was avoiding eye contact in desperate thought. Shuffling. I finally looked at my manager, still raking my brain thinking how do I tell her I am leaving? Do I tell her now or in a couple of days? She will devastated as I am great worker...

My boss looked me straight in the eye and in a deep monotone voice said to me, "It's not working is it?"

I was like, "What?!" 

Started thinking for a second, it's working just fine. The same way when someone takes something away from you and even though you don't ever use it, it's yours so you want it back. Or like when a boy rejects you making you really want him, when before you were trying to get rid.

My ego made me ask in a genuinely shocked voice and a sad trodden face. "Why???"

With beautiful honesty my boss said, "This job is not for you. You really don't enjoy it."

At this point the honesty shook me to a unexpected laugh to my now shocked manager's surprise.

I had to confess. "Your right, I was going to hand in my notice this week."

Now she had to laugh. Did I hand in my notice or did I get sacked? I'm not sure :S

I have always been told that I cannot hide my feelings as people read me too easily like a large alphabet book. Seriously I cannot hide how I feel with a transparency that is scary. So, here I am thinking because I can do my job well, the people around can't see how much I loathe every moment of me being there like sitting a bath tube of cold water.

Well they can. And they did. After my meeting, I told a few work friends about the crazy conversation and they all agreed with my boss. I would work better alone in the things that I actually want to do. I felt is was a massive conspiracy against me working there.... but for my own good!!!

Don't get me wrong this job was one of the best jobs I have had working as a medical secretary for private medical consultants all over the UK, to run their practices. The consultants were lovely. The atmosphere of the workplace was genuinely very pleasant even with the free hot chocolate, tea and coffee on tap making me gain a few pounds in the belly area.

The problem everyone had was my mind was always elsewhere, and it was obvious. It was in my small business online selling nasal spray, where I would rush to the post office to send items off, arriving back late to my lunch most days. Or in future business ventures that I planned to set up, as I would chat to my work colleagues about future ambitions.

So everyday I went to work I felt this "good" job was the only thing keeping me from following my dreams of setting up a successful business and pursuing writing and poetry. This made me loathe every moment and show it to everyone, everyday. Only looking back now can I realise I wore a scowl daily that made people say, "Cheer up Sach, it's not that bad."Catch me on my break and I would be happy-go-lucky cheerful Sacha again. Like a Jekyll and Hyde monster, but at work.

I handed in my notice to leave in two weeks. My manager said I could go in a month or today if I liked (was I that bad?!) LOL but I know my team would have to pick up on my work which wouldn't be at all fair so only two weeks and then I'll be FREEEEE!!!!!!!!

:)