Addiction: When Your Searching For Yourself Through Something Else

I Can See Straight Though You. Transparency... Good Or Bad???

Honesty hurts.

So does transparency... apparently.

Do you really want to know where you stand with someone?

Do you really want people to know where you stand?

Honestly???

This post was actually supposed to be about another topic but I offended someone in the process of sharing my life. So I thought I would write about the core of the issue.

TRANSPARENCY

I am an awful liar. People always say you can see exactly what I am thinking through the expressions on my face. I remember, my sister would take one look at me and tell by the sly, one-sided twitch that would form a one-sided smile on the corner of my mouth that I am lying. I would only really be lying to myself... cause I definitely couldn't lie to her!

I kind of see lies like the murky waters of the River Thames whilst the truth is the sparkling waters of a Caribbean private beach. The more you lie the more murky you are as a person where people cannot see through you. They are not sure who you are because you cover up the truth so well.

I feel very uncomfortable in murky waters as you never know what undersea creature will creep up and give you a bite on the bum. I like to see what I step into and in the same way I like to see clearly who I connect with. Every true connection you have with someone gives a little piece of you away and takes a little piece of them into you. So it's good to know who you are connecting yourself to.

I have called people "cloudy" in the past for the reason of not knowing who they are, and in the process greatly offending them. I saw cloudiness in them which led me to think they could not be trusted. I suppose that's where the descriptive word, "shady" comes from when describing a person also. Basically, my motto is to stay away from anything that is in the shadows and doesn't want to show you it's true self.

So balancing the darkness of shadiness, we have the light of transparency. Which on the whole I would consider to be a very good trait in someone that I met for the first time. For me transparency is potentially the beginning of a great friendship. Although lessons of life show me that transparency can also have it's negative side effects also. Nothing in this life is simple.

My very wonderful friend got offended with me for sharing valuable wisdom which had taken years to figure out and refine painstakingly... and I told everyone I knew in a matter of moments.

I personally choose to share what I learn with everyone I meet along the way, and on this blog but that does not mean that everyone else who share's wisdom and knowledge with me wants it to be shared also. I can truly appreciate that.

I can't even claim that knowledge and wisdom is free reign for everyone to hear and benefit from if someone specifically lets you in to a secret to benefit you alone because they care about you and your progress.

But I wanted the world to benefit... so I blabbed. Not consciously. I did it without even thinking about it. Still, I am so used to sharing everything I learn that is new and exciting on my journey that if it can benefit others around me, then usually I would shout it out.

There is a difference in moral code.

One of us views the world as a competition and one views the world as one big sleepover where everyone tells each other their secrets.

None are necessarily wrong. Both could be wrong.

There are definitely pitfalls to both. I may share a piece of knowledge that may lead a competitor (i.e. someone who is not working for my best interests) to surpass me or gain negative knowledge about me. Or I may hold back a piece of information that may have greatly helped someone in need to move forward in a positive direction.

Personally, my take on humanity is you will definitely die one day guaranteed, but hopefully what I pass on to others will live on.

So transparency with my knowledge I hope one day when I am gone will serve me well, even if I never surpass the point of my 'competitors'. Although I am a very competitive person, I love a good game of table tennis, but I feel you can't be competitive in comparing your life to others. The two are utterly incomparable, yet so completely valuable individually.

There is no handbook and set of rules on how to live your life. I wouldn't want anyone else to ever feel like they have lost in comparisons they make to others because we all have the opportunity to be winners in the lives we create for ourselves. We all live for different moments, from different experiences to create incomparable but uniquely special lives. It is great in my opinion when we can share this with others openly and honestly.

I want to be running a different race where the journey of the race mattered more that the outcome.

I will be happy then as I would have definitely won that race.

This Is What My Coffee Cup Looks Like Right Now

Searching For Love... Poem by Sacha Wise

I learnt love from the guy who loved me

I didn't want to be with him

    But still he loved me

I learnt heart break from the guy whom I loved

He didn't want to be with me

    But still I loved him

I learnt hostility from the guy I married

I learnt patience

    But he said he had never loved me

I will stop searching for love in basements

under stairs, in cupboards and on book shelves

Where instead all I find is dust and cobwebs

   and empty space. I will start recognising 

love when I see it and not fall for it's easier, 

uglier sister, who is more like 

a well meaning brother

     I will find you 

Or you will find me

Because like love 

we are meant to be together

I will 

one day 

love you

Interview with Poetical Tv about Domestic Violence, Dyslexia and my Inspirations

Poetical Tv: So what was the inspiration behind you writing your poem "Cover Me With Lace And Not Bruises"? 

Sacha: Well, I had to write a piece for a show 'Say Sum Thin 4' at the Nottingham Playhouse to perform as part of the Mouthy Poets collective. I had come out of a domestically violent relationship six months earlier and I remember sitting on my bed thinking it would be great if I would be able to speak about what I have experienced and not be ashamed about it. I know many women feel ashamed once they come out of domestically violent relationships due to the nature of the dynamics of being in such an unhealthy relationship. The violent partner tends to convince the other partner that the behaviour is all their fault. So they either stay in the relationship thinking they deserve this behaviour or leave the relationship often with low self-esteem making them prone to wanting to go back to the relationship. They feel worthless with no voice that is worth listening to. So as I sat upon my bed I made the decision to speak about what I had experienced even though I too was a bit ashamed at the time as well. I knew on some level if I ever wanted to help anyone else who had experienced anything remotely similar then I would have to be brave and speak up. I am so glad I did as now it is clear to me that any violent actions are fully accountable by the person who made the decision to be violent or aggressive. As it is a choice they made.

Please read the rest of the interview by clicking this link

Sacha Wise's Interview with Poetical Tv

"Cover Me With Lace Not Bruises" Video Footage From Say Sum Thin 4

Look On The Bright Side Of Life. I Like Flowers.

Look on the BRIGHT side of life

There will be always new flowers to smell

There will always be a new sky to breathe

There will always be new dream to reach

There will always be new memories to have

There will always be a new person to love

But there will only ever be one you

LOVE yourself

Don't Despise The Creative Process: Live It.

Frustration can be like a garbage truck pouring out 2 week old stench unto your work. It's hard to get any work done. 

The way we wind ourselves up as creative people all stems from the voices inside our head. I believe you have this creative, "good" voice which tells you the sky is no limit, only art to paint and stuff like that. Whilst it's arch enemy is the more sinister, "bad" voice which tells you every thing you produce is utter trite, so please continue to beat yourself up or even better just give up! With these voices floating around, maybe it's no wonder creative people scientifically have a higher risk of having a mental illness. But I am not trying to scare you, so please read on....

Many artists struggle, especially in the beginning when they think these two voices are the same and completely infallible at any given moment. So a person goes back and forth, acting on both of these voices at a whim hence causing a lot of confusion with their work and it's purpose. Well, I believe there is a place for both voices but only in the right context. 

In the beginning at the start of the creative process. That "bad" voice will get you into trouble, making you give up before you have even started. We don't want that. We want to give ourselves freedom to move, breathe, express and feel and let it all out, like our disorganised bedrooms. That is the beginning of creativity, just letting it all out and not caring. We love all the stuff in our disorganised bedrooms because it is ours and we know where everything is intimately but maybe others may not be able to appreciate the personal mess you have created in your own bedroom. Maybe they would ask you kindly (or unkindly) to clean it up. 

And that is where we our "bad" voice or even other "bad" voices come in. It may tell you things that hurt and make you upset, but if you can get past defensiveness then maybe you can look at criticism for what it really is... free help to make your piece even better. Awesome! Doesn't seem so bad any more does it? We create lots of messy stuff like children and then we use this "bad" adult voice to refine it's potential and clean up. 

This is the painful process of editing.

When has tidying your room ever been a bad thing that has caused you harm??? No it's a positive thing, that's helpful in making you feel happier and more fulfilled. So this "bad" voice, that is necessary to edit and improve your piece, wants to be turned into a sigh of satisfaction and into a pat on the back that says, "Well done mate, you did well." This can only happen when you view this "bad" voice in a constructive way, listen and then put in all the necessary work. 

Yes, you have to be inspired many times to be creative, but a wise person told me that you need to get to the stage where you are internally creating your own inspiration. It is all about taking control of the creative process and making it work for you. Be the kindest and the harshest person to yourself but in the right context. Then you will see creativity flowing from every source and beyond.

Lastly, it is important not to feel ashamed of your creative process as the negative voice will try to creep in from the start and tell you to hide the piece, throw it away and get as far away from it as possibly because it is rubbish!!! But we don't throw away a new born baby as soon as it is born do we? No, we allow the baby to grow even if they are not fulfilling their life purpose yet, instead we continue to nurture it and have faith that one day it will. 

I have tried to apply this principle to my poetry, by documenting the same poem in the embarrassing early stages and to a more refined (yet, possibly unfinished but I am more happy with) stage. 

Free Write

1st Edit

2nd Edit

I have done this to help myself get over the approval of needing to be perceived as good writer at all times which will only enhance my early stages of creative work. Also I have done this as well so maybe someone who has never considered writing poetry may look at my early piece and think it is possible for them to write something as well, instead of looking at the more developed piece and think it is beyond them, which it is definitely not. We all thought it might of been beyond us at some stage. 

Please comment to any part of this article if you agree or disagree, or if you would like to see more articles like this one up on my blog. Also share this article if you think any of your friends could benefit from reading this.

In the meanwhile, keep listening, learning and being intensely creative!

"Creativity is playing. A child's mind in an adult's body." Sacha Wise

2nd edit of "No Name Except The Name In My Head"

Fingers tap away on my heart
as if trying to create rhythm

I can't dance when your watching
or when I am sober. So I drink red wine

Moods change into a salsa

creating raw energy from our minds
intellectually moving me

to the floor where childish dreams
lie between my bruised thighs

and your biceps pin me down

assertively aching my insides

Facial muscles tense but lips tender
looking for saliva to heal cuts

Unqualified to service you with kisses
Everything is gone in my first aid box

But I never expected to find bird songs 

in the rough mines of your vocal cords

It's so hard to find steel toe capped boots 

that protect you these days

So I'll keep creating wishes for you
even if I have to blow them out

The light looks so free dancing
as if lost in the darkness of your eyes

In anticipation beautifully packaged boxes
are stroked but can't yet be opened

Make your wish
I'll borrow the one that's left over

I wish

You stop searching for heartache
and find what your looking for

because then you will find in yourself
what you most admire

1st Edit of "No Name Except The Name In My Head"

Your deep like an ending where the hero dies 

my mind's unrecognised in hidden characters

I take the enemy into my arms and hold him tight

The pantomime audience scream that he's behind me

I never expected to find bird songs 

in the rough mines of your vocal cords

The mood changes and my cheeks become a sunset

Intimate with you like a hot water bottle

lying between my bruised thighs

My dreams need me to get out

but your biceps pin me down

assertively aching my insides

By your appearance alone 

I might not have fancied you

Typically good looking is not my type

Too many issues

But then you made me think

I thought

You corrected me

I liked it

No

I like you

Your an embodiment of masculinity with facial hair

Hard to find steel toe capped boots 

that protect you these days

50% of the population aren't that way 

Unless they're lying to themselves

You create wishes for me to blow out

when light has forgotten promises 

Last person who interpreted my map

was trying to lead me to death

So I'm stuck between a place of
making melodies with your hashtag twitter feeds 

and using youtube as personal therapy 

Stop searching for heartache
to find what your looking for