'Be That Girl' Poem

Don't let the rhythm 

inside you die

like a dead eyed butterfly

Be a rare, lost, multi-coloured 

gemstone in the sea

surrounded by drops of 

invisible, sweet nothings

Be that girl...

who stuffs too much wisdom

into her purse

beside her lipstick and hair gel 

hoping for a makeover 

of political injustices 

Eat the flavours of success

to give access for the poor

With your voice 

scream 

forgiveness until 

your eyes are sore

Hold open the door

of a compliment 

to let someone beautiful in

Let no trouble reach 

the mind's scaffolding 

Smile, 

because the weight,

is not impossible 

for your holding 

#orangeyourhood #16days

Snowstorms, Delayed Flights and T-shirts

Currently I am delayed. I am in Brooklyn, stuck in a snow storm. My flight out of the USA has been delayed for two days. It is not the end of the world. It is also not the end of my trip, it seems.

I am doing a bit of reflection today with the New Year coming in and everything, thinking about life. How things can happen that are out of your control that disappoint you that lead to circumstances that amaze you. For example, this Nottingham Roosevelt Travelling Scholarship, if I was a woman who had not experience domestic violence then I would not be on this scholarship researching domestic violence and the role of creativity. 

It makes you think maybe you should be grateful for the tough things that happen in your life because it is quite possible, it is shaping your character for tomorrow. If you become an eternal student, the lessons come along and that may just include bad weather for a season. 

From the women, I have spoken to who have experienced domestic violence and didn't returned to their partner, I found there was some form of finding your voice that occurred after being silenced for a long time. 

The arts were crucial in this process as it allowed the women to get to the core of what she was feeling and then express their pent up frustration, anger and disappointments that so often come with a partner being emotionally or physically violent. It was more than the process of releasing through tears or talking, but the process of creation that was most empowering to these women. 

Instead of tearing down an old house with nothing in place of it, these women were able to build a brand new house that they no longer had to escape, but to find safety in at last. They found themselves.

The arts, which involved forms of communication like poetry, song-writing, drawing, painting and film really had a two benefits; first to empower the woman that created the art for her to know she did not go through this traumatic event in vain, and then to communicate to other women the realities of domestic violence to empower them also.

In America, there were many events that were held especially during the month of October in every state under National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One of the most powerful set of events that I attended was the Clothesline Project which is a national attempt to unite women who have experienced domestic violence through T-shirts. The idea is for women to use their creativity to design a coloured T-shirt, a different colour for a different category of abuse as a "provocative, in-your-face, educational and healing tool" http://www.clotheslineproject.org/history.htm

I cried after seeing some of the T-shirts. 

I spoke to a domestic violence survivor who said that whilst she was with her partner she had to pass her outfit choice by him first before she went out, or he would not go outside with her. He would buy all of her clothes for her as a control tactic and then say she was very unstylish. She lacked confidence at the time and believed him. 

She described a process of healing that came to her by customising a top that she owned, once she had left. She said she knew he would be very mad if he knew what she was doing, and how empowering it was to know that he could no longer make everyday personal decisions for her, like how she looked. Now, she says she believes in herself more and more and continues to customise her clothes to create her own style as creative empowerment within her life. 

It can be the simplest things that means the most to these women once they decide to leave for good. If you can imagine their whole life is changing drastically and every step is a affirmative that they are now on the right path. Miss a step and they are likely to go back. For example, miss the important step of empowerment in domestic violence survivors and how can she believe she can live without him. 

“In youth, it was a way I had,

To do my best to please.

And change, with every passing lad

To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know

And do the things I do,

And if you do not like me so,

To hell, my love, with you.” 

― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

This project had a powerful effect on women, by helping them find their voice creatively the same way this scholarship has had a powerful effect upon me to create value from my experiences also. 

Stand Your Ground Law - The Jail Free Card If You Are Not Black

Women who are being beaten up: stand your ground, just don't expect the law in Florida to back you up behind the stand-your-ground law if you are black, and don't expect Stevie Wonder to understand.

So it is a sleepy Sunday afternoon, when the social media networks are set on fire with the breaking news that George Zimmerman was found, 'not guilty', under the stand-your-ground law which allows someone to use deadly self-defence if they believe their life is in danger. 

The only one consequently then who has the potential weight of guilt of being dangerous, would then be the person who could no longer speak to defend himself: Travyon Martin, as he was silenced by his stiff, lifeless jaw in his deceased buried 17-year-old body.

Zimmerman claimed he acted out of self-defence. The funeral director added that there were no signs of a fight or scuffle with no knuckle bruising or any such evidence on his body. The law defended this deviant claim as Zimmerman left the safety of his SUV to hunt down a young black male who he, he had earlier reported to the police as saying, "This guy looks like he is up to no good. He is on drugs or something," even after the police dispatch was to not follow Martin.

 Zimmerman used the words, "Fucking punks. These assholes, they always get away." Zimmerman pursued to followed an unarmed young boy who committed no crime, except purchasing a bag of skittles and a soft drink as he walked back to his gated community at the Retreat at Twin Lakes. Zimmerman had become a self-appointed guardian of the community for "punks" like this.

So the law feels it right protect Zimmerman, the same way the Holocaust protected blue-eyed Germans. Why shouldn't we believe that the law is put in place to protect us black and ethnic minorities even though we are grossly under-represented in the UK and US political justice system? Racism still occurs in many subtle forms and one of them is oppression of justice through this so-called law of justice. 

I'll go even further to say the political system is darn right racist. 

The Department of Justice information showed that African-Americans jail time is almost 60 percent longer than white sentences. Also individuals who are black are 30% more likely to go to jail than their white counterparts after the same crime is committed. It is a modern-day, legal slavery, because the law which was set up to protect us, creates this invisible division based upon the visibility of your pigment. 

Talking about slavery and the law, there are women who experience the modern day version of slavery in their own homes under the control of their oppressor: their partner. The stand-your-ground law is surely in place for women like this who are oppressed to the point of rage, when they finally are triggered off and shoot bullet holes into the wall instead of in their husband, like in the case of Marissa Alexander.

Surely the stand-your-ground law is for such a case?

She got 20 years in prison.

It makes no sense? I forgot to mention she was black.

Make sense now?

In this case the state attorney who oversaw the case, Angela Corey stated, "Just because no one was harmed in the incident doesn't make the shooting any less a punishable crime". Yet Corey who was special persecutor in the Zimmerman's case somehow allowed the stand-your-ground law to be justifiably used in this unjustifiable circumstance which end up in the death of a young boy. She didn't have much to say about that.

Anyone with two cents for a brain could see that this is not justice, for a black woman being beaten by her husband. The law should stand like an older brother ready to fight overweight bullies, not to join in with the bullying, and then make it a fight about race: that just adds stinging salt to the wound. And then maybe some diet un top of it to make it infected and for the pain to last longer.

Basic legal law in the UK has the understanding that 'loss of control' can be immediate or delayed in cases of continuous abuse of a violent partner over a period of time, as based upon the Kiranjit Ahluwalia case, who killed her husband but her sentence was changed from murder to manslaughter, receiving 3 years and 4 months, the exact amount of time she had already served.

But for women who experience domestic violence in Florida, don't even think about the law defending you, especially if you are black. 

For young boys who walk the streets of Florida in search for a sweets and get shot, don't even think for the law to defend you either, especially if you are black. 

If you on the other hand are not to keen on black people and want to search the streets for a back person to shoot and kill, then please use the stand-your-ground law. Of course it is understandable, they are black and definitely dangerous and need to be wiped out. 

I think this is called the black Holocaust. 

You can probably see I am not the biggest fan of how the stand-your-ground law is being misused in the USA but similarly, I also think to abolish it would cause even less justice to be served. 

Stevie Wonder recently stated that he will not perform in Florida or any state that upholds the stand-your-ground law. I commend the thought behind the action, but I truly believe this allows self-defence to not be taken into account in special circumstances such as the Alexander and Ahluwalia case. 

What we should be fighting for as ethnic minorities, is in this timeless speech which would have been spoken 50 years ago next month by Martin Luther King: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character", may I add, with the justice of a fair stand-your-ground law.

Stevie Wonder that is what we should be fighting for, don't you think?

My Verdict Towards Charles Saatchi's Attack Against Nigella Lawson

Nigella Lawson Strangled - Domestic Violence

I saw the pictures today of Nigella Lawson being strangled and to be honest it bought back memories for me and made me feel quite emotional. The pictures that where released involved her husband Charles Saatchi with his hand around her neck, over her mouth and pinching her nose. His response to this attack was:  

"About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella's neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasize my point. There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella's tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt," he added. "We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled."

As a woman who has experienced domestic violence herself, these manipulations of the blatant truth is all too familiar to me. The nature of domestic violence is that it is done usually in the secrecy of the home surrounded by isolation so that the person committing the crime can manipulate the victim into believing it was their fault as they provoked them to act in that manner. Sometimes like in Rihanna and Nigella's case, an incident may occur in public once it has likely happened often behind closed doors. In addition to this, the person who commits domestic violence is often a very damaged person who needs to erode the confidence of the victim to have ultimate control. 

Now let's look as Charles' rationalisations of it being a 'playful tiff'; I would argue that it is possible it was to him! He was the one playing with her, whilst she was obviously emotional, fearful and upset that this event occurred. And his statement of there was 'no grip', justifies somehow your hands around her neck to emphasise the point? Hmm, I think not! And then having his hand over her mouth and pinching her nose is not only humiliating but disrespectful on a very basic, human level. Lastly them making up by the time they were home is exactly what domestic violence is all about… a continuous cycle of abuse, and then making up and pretending it never happened, until next time it happens.

I have no doubt that Nigella is experiencing domestic violence in her household, and so this article is not to share in the latest tabloid gossip but to discuss an issue which leads to two women dying every week. With domestic violence, victims often have low self-esteem whilst still in the relationship, as well as a skewed view of the actual truth. If they believed the truth, that they are valuable and no one deserves to treat them in a certain way, then they would find this type of behaviour utterly unacceptable. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of outside support and inner confidence to finally believe you are not "stupid, useless, ugly etc" And yes, I was repeatedly told all of these put downs and unfortunately believed them at one point in my life also. 

But back to Nigella, the parts of this story which resonate with me most involve the events after the incident, which included Nigella placing her hand on his left wrist and kissing his right cheek in attempts to pacify his anger. To her this is a normal incident that would easily have happened at home many times and it is just unfortunate it is in public instead of at home this time. The victim of domestic violence would often have ways of diffusing the situation as they will intimately know the consequences of the angry partner if the situation is not diffused quickly. They end up becoming a natural at this, even though in some situations the partner cannot be diffused at all but still attempts are futilely made.

Nigella's husband then walks off, which I also experienced many times in the destructive relationship I was in. It is a form of punishment when it happens repeatedly by the person in control. Silence in another form of punishment also, as is telling the person to leave the martial home in malicious, spiteful way. I am not saying anger doesn't happen or that arguments don't happen between couples where one might walk off suddenly, or move out for a while, but the different between that and domestic violence is the intense, one-sided control and the continuous fear of the person in control. From the many women I have spoken to who have experience domestic violence, they always say the emotional abuse was, almost always, much worse than the physical abuse. It takes a lot longer usually to heal from that aspect of abuse and for you to ultimately love yourself when you have absorbed all these manipulative attempts daily that makes you feel worthless. 

Charles Saatchi would also act in further controlling ways of punishment by rejecting Nigella's food. It may seem trivial but really he is aiming at her self-esteem in an attempt to erode her confidence in her abilities of what she is most known for. He says in an interview that he prefers nursery food such as eggs and beans on toast. She said of him, "Charles doesn't really like proper food. He prefers a bowl of cereal" You are married to Nigella Lawson, why else would you do that?! I have had experiences of this type of rejection of food linked to controlling behaviour. I remember one incident where I was home alone so I decided to do some blueberry pancakes for my partner. When my partner arrived home, he actually got very angry at me for not telling him I was going to make this in advance, for not passing the recipe by him and for using a pan which apparently I was not allowed to use (news to me) and hence stopped speaking to me. I did eat those blueberry pancakes on my own, and although they were very delicious, I could not enjoy them at all. 

Men or women who exert this level of control have been, very likely, in situations were they had no control over negative events that have traumatised them. They either consciously or subconsciously decide that this will never happen again to them and try to control every aspect of intimate relationships, which is the place they feel most vulnerable. In a way, I sympathise with these people as they are hurting too, but on no level do I give them an excuse for what they do. Everyone has the power to change and transform their lives and to not repeat the mistakes of the past. As for the women and men who are victims of domestic violence, they are anything but weak to put up with this type of behaviour on a daily basis and still be able to function and put on a confident exterior to 'protect' their partner. They are caring and genuine people who need someone to say more good things to them than bad things, until they can start saying good things to themselves. 

Interview with Poetical Tv about Domestic Violence, Dyslexia and my Inspirations

Poetical Tv: So what was the inspiration behind you writing your poem "Cover Me With Lace And Not Bruises"? 

Sacha: Well, I had to write a piece for a show 'Say Sum Thin 4' at the Nottingham Playhouse to perform as part of the Mouthy Poets collective. I had come out of a domestically violent relationship six months earlier and I remember sitting on my bed thinking it would be great if I would be able to speak about what I have experienced and not be ashamed about it. I know many women feel ashamed once they come out of domestically violent relationships due to the nature of the dynamics of being in such an unhealthy relationship. The violent partner tends to convince the other partner that the behaviour is all their fault. So they either stay in the relationship thinking they deserve this behaviour or leave the relationship often with low self-esteem making them prone to wanting to go back to the relationship. They feel worthless with no voice that is worth listening to. So as I sat upon my bed I made the decision to speak about what I had experienced even though I too was a bit ashamed at the time as well. I knew on some level if I ever wanted to help anyone else who had experienced anything remotely similar then I would have to be brave and speak up. I am so glad I did as now it is clear to me that any violent actions are fully accountable by the person who made the decision to be violent or aggressive. As it is a choice they made.

Please read the rest of the interview by clicking this link

Sacha Wise's Interview with Poetical Tv

"Cover Me With Lace Not Bruises" Video Footage From Say Sum Thin 4

"Cover Me With Lace Not Brusies" Poem against Domestic Violence

Today I was on the bus on my way into town and I saw a demonstration against domestic violence called One Billion Rising. I had to stop and come and hear more. I stood there and just knew I had to share my own experiences with the crowd that had gathered. The beauty about freedom is it give you ability to speak up, shout out and make a difference. I had this poem that I shared with the crowd that had gathered about domestic violence. It was a very empowering moment. I almost cried and other women did cry. Thank you for caring about such an important cause #1billionrising

Closed doors, shutting out memories
But cracking holes into her soul
So distant, the brokenness is his bully
He's protecting her like a used condom  

She’ll say, “Why do you dethrone me publically?”
He’ll say, “Why do I feel like you never there for me?”
But, "I'm right here", she'll cry
He'll look her in the eye and say, "And I'm just trying to make you better"

Her words want to say something
That doesn’t need the pain relief of alcohol
But the waver in her voice isolates her
Innermost thoughts from most people

Looking for warmth in a thin lace shawl
Wrapping it over her arms to cover the bruises
But it barely covers her heart
Her mind is cloudy with excuses

She remembers speaking his words not hers
“No one’s loved her like he has”
“No one’s even known her like he has”
“Who else would want her?”-It must be true love 

She waited for this to make sense to her
While he convinced her with scripture
She was disobedience in the act
Every doubt he saw, he took as a fact 

She became like a bad actor not knowing character
But looking at the face paint her bruises made
And feeling the bumps and hills across her face
Still, with dinner on his plate bang on eight 

Hands moulding children out of dumplings
French kissing with lasagne
Waiting for passion to heat up in the oven
But when he came home, she was still alone 

He would aim words like nuclear weapons
They would feed off each others negative emotions
He would store revenge like a recipe
So don’t tell me married people can’t get raped 

Hatred overcoming love in a race of pride
This lace shawl placed round her neck and over her eyes
Fighting him for bits of light in the darkness of where she lies
Before she’s switched off completely 

She rips through lace, to expose the bare skin
Policemen looking
Like they understand the pain she’s been in
Asking her to cut off all promises, like circumcision 

She knows his heart was broken before
She's a doctor trying to save the bloody thing
But it's more like heart transplant
Where she has to give him hers for him to live 

She’s asking for love to be transformed into light
That goes faster than the eye
That way he wouldn't be able to stop it penetrating his insides
She would be his superhero 

Cause as a little girl her fantasies defied gravity
Now gravity pulls her into black holes of confusion
The concussion has gone to her head
And she is too dizzy to consider her future 

She can’t stay she’ll be destroyed
She can’t leave he’ll be destroyed
Choices she’s been trying to avoid making for 5 years
And it’s not easier to make 5 years later 

Making her despises freedom
As she is battling with it under her duvet
Her voice sounds to her like an out of tune choir
But it's telling her to forgive  

It tells her to look into her own eyes next time
Instead of believing someone else’s lies
That is the only way you’ll find freedom   

When you're alone

This Is A Poem I Wrote From A Memory I Had Today

Broken From Birth

Being heart broken the way to healing

Women choose men for this reason

Decision made from broken homes

left on cold conciousness of stone

and forgotten

Until a woman in love remembers 

all the maternal faces he has known 

And guides his mouth towards hers

as she sucks in his pain as her own

poison

Trust her to also go

She looks just like the other women

so he pushes her

She falls

She is not safe in his crumbling tower

She can't be stronger than his mother 

He blames but she no longer listens

to his pain

His moans sound the same as

ice-cream falling out of undeveloped hands

and tantrums 

throwing her to the ground