There is a rush that goes though you when you gossip like being at the top of a rollercoaster ride before you are about to come crashing down. As we were able to see with the Alton Tower crashes recently, there is often a thrill that accompanies the real risk of pain and regret. The risk is not only to yourself but to the people who got on the ride with you and who forceable have to stay there with you until the debris is cleared away. The damage can be irreversible.
To trust knowledge will come to you if it is meant for your ears takes a lot of trust. To trust full stop is hard - it's like hanging off a ledge James Bond style and expecting the Bond girl to save you. To be fair she often does save him whilst wearing high heels of some sort. A kind of feminism?
The point is not if you are a female version of James Bond, the point is do you believe in a being more powerful than yourself that has your back? If you do then trust that everything you need will come to you in the right time. No need for gossiping to gain knowledge. If not, then gossiping for gain will leave you stuck with the awful anxiety that you have all this information which you cannot share, unless you share just a little... then you get to the point where the guilt of being found out leads you to the pill box for your incessant headache, and then on top of that, being actually found out leads to the puffy eyes for days in which they have not engineered make-up that can do full coverage over the feelings of shame.
We, in our microwave culture, want to know everything now, whilst it's hot. Celebrities, provide a 'harmless' outlet for our need to gossip as we completely forget they are real people as we revel in their public torture. Actually, we are pretty sick, with 'TRL' and 'Perez Hilton' taking on the modern Gladiator arena where those who are famous have to fight for their honour of reputation regardless of the actual truth.
Another thing with gossiping, after you peel back the layers of juicy flesh, is where do you find the seed of truth if it is all genetically modified to appeal to the masses? Believing a gossip is like believing that 70% of the news media in the UK is not owned by three powerful corporations, including a third of this percentage being controlled by Rupert Murdock, and hence believing the news is an actual source of truthful information instead of a constant stream of propaganda. If you'll believe that then you will believe anything!
We feel a persistent itch if we fail to glean the maximum amount of information in the shortest period of time. So, we want convenience over accurate sources. We want our biased friend to tell us everything we can condemn mutual friends, instead of actually holding our peace to consider the facts in an objective way, in a Judge Judy moment, in order to pass an intelligent and factual judgement instead.
I think humans deserve that in the very least. Celebrities deserve that respect also. I watched an interview by Monica Lewinsky on a Ted Talk as she talked about the price of shame as she was one of the first worldwide to be publicly cyber-bullied in the new viral power of the internet regarding her explosive affair with the most powerful man in the world, Bill Clinton.
No one is praising her conduct, although I think we forget that she was only 22 when it started and not a single one of us would like the media to delve into our early adulthood to find all of our wrongdoings and then metaphorical stone us to the point of attempted suicide or isolation. What she did wasn't right. Is what we do any better? We so conveniently forget, "He among you who is without sin, let him first cast a stone upon her."
(Uncomfortable silence)
So, we metaphorically badger the gossiper by reading all the negative celebrity press on the Daily Mail website and stare at the television screen as dressed up reporters make gossiping respectable. It is so fulfilling all that juicy gossip, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with the filling pouring our all over our stubby fingers. We were meant to be on a diet, so we hide the evidence by licking the last bits of tasty lack of self control from our fingers and promise not to do it again until we feel the urge of going in search for the same tempting, devilish consumption once more.
The worst part about gossip is you are not focusing on your own life and all of the practical, difficult steps and sacrifices you have to personally make to make your life better. You end up like a passive patient locked up in the mental institute of the world media as they offer you more and more addictive pharmaceuticals that are profitable to them, yet numbing to your growth and progress in life. We conveniently ignore the hurt those closest to us feel when blatantly breaking into their trust bank to steal their small fortune so you can go on a spending spree based upon your trusted relationship with them. It is painful to think about a friend who is close enough to hug you chooses to punch you instead.
It's about self-control. You cannot be a good friend until you learn some. Mid-gossip, as you are sharing the intimate secrets of another, a movie plays in the other person's mind which is a skull and bone image in a red triangle; the voice over declares, "Do not in any circumstance trust this person with any of your personal secrets as they will do to you, as they have done to the person in question and as they have done to many others." The friend after seeing this pop-up warning looks at you wearingly and as you are leaving them with a big, satisfied hug. If they are unwise and have said too much then they await the betrayed kiss of Judas from you.
This person will never trust you with a secret again, unless they exhibit the same lack of self-control that you have and then, congratulations, you are a tormented friendship match-made in heaven. You know that your friend will eventually share all of your secrets the same way they have, with an inability to stop themselves blurting out hidden parts of another's person's soul. As you are telling them your most gut wrenching thoughts, you will then wish that you owned a muzzle, for your own mouth and maybe a takeaway boxed version for theirs.
Instead of, "Give what you would like to receive in return", the web of deceit for the gossip becomes more entangled as a person make pitfalls for themselves to feel further pain. To avoid heartache and shame I recommend being and choosing good sturdy friend who have a life of their own and hence don't have to dabble, like dark arts, into yours. Someone who can control their bladder (so you know that they are masters of self-control) and someone who doesn't like peanut butter sandwiches.
Gossiping fulfils our primitive need of control and being in the know. With knowledge comes power, and with gossiping comes irresponsibly yielding this power like a sharp weapon to completely cut off someone's trust from the gossiping source. Like a forest fire, this friendship needs to be contained and put out to avoid further pain. That can be by no longer sharing your intimate secrets with such an uncontrolled person or being sure that this person has changed their ways for the better.
References
http://www.mediareform.org.uk/media-ownership-2/the-elephant-in-the-room
